Please Wait...

    Understanding What is wrong with you is a large part of accepting yourself. Even though I couldn't understand many things in my childhood, I found a way to focus on the things I would need. Before My trauma started I was given a few basic life skills, and the trauma is Spam clogging up my brain. My brain is kinda like a computer, Not completely useless, but a bit slow on the start up, but once it gets going, Oh the processing! Speed starts, pictures, music, ect... The lengths my brain goes to just explain one thing, it is massive, because it can explain it in so many ways. When I try to learn something I love to research all about it. When      I really want to know about something, I just need to be left alone to wallow in my work.

     The problem with this life style is living in a house with people who don't understand. I know my mind has all the capacity for anything. Its just clogged up with junk.
Now lets look at this and try to understand something, When you get a new computer. First you have to birth it. You take it out the box. You look at it. You smell it. You look it over like a fine piece of work. And you sit it down, You take out each part and slowly you become fascinated with it. They way this cord goes, the place you stick this, It goes together like a string quartet. Then you turn it on, and it opens its eyes for the first time. You tickle the keys and look for the reaction. You look it over and then your realize, you have to put data in it.
     If you don't know how to put the data in, you wing it. You get frustrated, You get pissed, you try over and over and over to make the perfect set up for you. Then once it is just starting to run right,
Now this is where you pause, and this is where you know what you are doing. You start pumping in the data, and visiting websites. Talking to people. Tracking though muddy places, peaking at things that tickle your fancy, and you start downloading everything you can find. Photos, Music, video, movies, poems, writings, conversations, and the trash starts piling in. Eventually, system crash.
     It is in this moment you are given a choice. Sit it down, Walk away, Never look back. Or, you take the road less traveled. You sit down, one more time, and you start to dig. You look for the problem. You search for the broken part. You clean out the junk, you clear the cookies, you trash the clutter. Suddenly, she starts working again. Then you just fill her back up. Eventually, she is so full of trash you can't do anything with her, The memory is filled with your clutter, the clutter that is VIP in your mind. This is when you have to sit down and look into those important files, the ones you said I'll deal with later, and you sit down and look at your TV for a moment and you see a new model came out. This is where you come to another choice. Clean the clutter, or expand...
     With a little TLC, may take you a few days, maybe weeks, but if you don't deal with the clutter when you have the chance, your system will crash. And this has been my brain for the last 30 plus years. On top of Mental, Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Abuse. On top of being drugged. On top of not understanding. On top of depression. On top of sickness. On top of saving my family. On top of Life.
     I'm simply running a System Restore on my Brain. Please Wait...