I am the Hero. Protect me.

The more people I let around me, the more people that started to see me. The less they allowed my behavior. If I wanted to talk, Come close and talk. Don't speak if you don't have something to say. I took their lessons home. I tried these techniques, things weren't getting through. I sat in myself. I started bringing them home. Begging for their help. I tried to follow their advice. They all kept telling me to leave her. While she was telling me to leave them. They hated each other, and those who understood. Excepted her, exactly how she was. They even excepted me with exactly how I was. They cold see through the bull shit that was my life. This saved me.

Each friend I befriended, touched a different part of  me. I followed the bunny down the rabbit hole and I explored wonderland. The only conclusion I could draw, was I stayed because they needed me. I left because I needed to. I stay away, because I want to. I go back because they miss me. 

I turned back to watching television. There I found my role again. There I submerged myself into learning. I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I watched her struggle. I related to her. I didn't care what was missing from the show. Not because I didn't want them there, but because the person used what life they had left to open a portal into my mind. For a moment I heard him calling out to me. Take head in your darkness, I am trying to tell them the same story. Suddenly, I had something to help me fight. I watched her and how she moved. I felt her pain and I found myself in her. First I found my grandmother in her. She was cunning and smart. Then I found my mother in her. She was kind and tough. Then I found my self in her. I just wanted it all to stop.

It was the fact that they locked me up. It was the fact that they strapped me down. It was the fact that I kept fighting, I found freedom in loosing myself. They made me. Everyone had to fix me. No one could. I was exactly who they said I was. The hardest truth was, I loved it. 

I stole to prove I was still there. Still able to make my own choice. I never handed my mother anything I stole. I cheated. I cheated myself out of an easy life. I did drugs. I just found the one that I liked. That is where I lived, and that is where I would die. 

Broken, and laughing at it all. Hating them with everything in me, and loving them with all I got. It was there I realized they were right, I was crazy. Just crazy to realize exactly how crazy I was. I am doused with the labels they made me. I fear the demons they gave me. I told them all about it along the way. I bet now they will listen. Now when I don't want them to. 

My friends are waiting for me out there. They want to see me grow. They may give me bad advice. Guess what, they are only doing exactly what they were doing. Giving me enough rope to hang my self. I am the hero, Protect me. This is my book. Read It. This is my truth, wallow in it. I'm going to be over here, protecting you from the monster you created. My friends, they are going to help me along the way. Just like you, only better, because we see each other. We are the broken generation. Born of everything, to be come nothing. 

I'm just crazy enough to make that work.