Angel Pig's Story

     Once Upon A Time...
     There was a beautiful light in the heavens and the forces of nature plucked it out of heaven, and sent it to live upon the earth, to live as a human woman. She was not the first, no, Some called them aliens, some referred to them as falling stars, Others called them star children, and some called them fallen angels. Either way they were a part of the universe it's self, plucked out of existence, with no explanation as to why, and twisted and pressed into a mold and popped out of a factory into a bright light that burns the eyes, and from that moment everything you knew was transformed into new. Everything frightened her, everything excited her, everything blurred. Every emotion, every thought, every second fragmented into the slowest moment of time.

     Her mother looked down on her with nothing but love, and her father named her Angel Pig, but that would be the only gift he would give her, as he left his family for another life before she could speak, But she did eventually gain a step-father and they all lived out on a little farm.
    She lived a normal life for the first part of her child hood. She was a beauty, big brown eyes, long cherry blond hair, eyelashes as long as whiskers on kittens, and the ideal picture of the perfect child to her family. She shone bright as a star in the sky, with a smile that danced in your heart. Her beauty was admired all throughout the lands.
     She attended school like any other child, and around the second year the teachers became so frustrated with her, they forced her mother to take her to the doctors to get checked out. Her mother was forced to give her a pill every day. Little did anyone know she would developed a little slower, and needed a bit more time to learn.
     She lived the next few years in a Hazy blur of her room, and school.... It was like navigating through an endless fog, and about the time you start to regain motor functions, you are sent back into a blast of fog... fog... fog... She was sitting still, but there was no way of functioning. She eventually started to dream. Dream of a day to be free of the fog. She lived in a haze, why not make it pretty?
     She could still feel the world around her but was unable to communicate with anyone. She walked the way they forced her, she spoke the words they pounded into her mind, but she retained nothing more. The drugs were too much for her. She wondered endlessly in this drone like state, until her body started to learn to walk and move for its self. From this spot to this one, then back here. Take some time stuff your face, and then over here. Suddenly, her dreams became nightmares, as it became apparent to her that she would never be free of this drug, She fought it with everything in her, she fought it. The only time she had to plan was at night when everyone was asleep. But then they started to drug her at night because her brain couldn't sleep and she tried to figure out how to let them know what was going on, and failed. They took her back to the doctor, and he would up with the dose, "now give her this one at night."
     Suddenly while everyone else around her was blooming, she wasn't changing and her mother started to wonder, but she took her back to the doctor's and they convinced her that it was simply time to change her medications, and now she was back at square one... Or so she though...
     The fog started lifting, and the world slowly came into focus. And there staring her in the face was the nightmare she didn't want to see, but she faced it. After he vowed the first time, it would never happen again, and she couldn't believe this was a father's love. As time went by she felt the abuse of his hands, and the pierce of his gaze and the anger in his voice of how he longed to have her again, and he would try to cover his tracks by keeping her away from everyone. Something broke inside of her when he pressed himself against her again. She was so confused by his actions she couldn't find the words to say. He ordered her to shower showered. She clung to herself as time seemed to stand still as he watched her shower. She would never forget that stare, The look of a man about to snap and rape her till there was nothing left of her, coming back at her from the a man that used to look at her with such love and compassion. She saw a sickness in him and The tears fell from her eyes as she knew what she wondered what to do. She didn't want to break up her family, but the fear of what would happen next was enough to make anyone choose to endure it. She simply didn't know what to do.
     She left for school blinded by fear and the sound of his voice, his breath, the feel of his touch played clear in her mind over and over. She saw nothing of it. A swarm of emotions, because her body loved how he made her feel, but sickened by the fact she knew it was wrong, but if it was how could she have just laid there and taken it. Not once, but twice, How long had this been going on in her life? If she didn't tell, How long before it was far enough? She asked her friend the first time, and her words ran though in her mind, but telling meant destroying the lives around her... She wondered the halls like a zombie, forgetting about the bullies calling her a boy, and ugly, and taking the spit in the face with out a flinch. For once she didn't even notice them. She walked up to her only friend in such slow motion she felt as if the day had moved by each heart beat... till suddenly she felt her lips part.
     "It happened again." She she could mutter in utter disbelief of her own words to her friend Lex. "This morning before school." she felt empty inside. Her words were hollow and shocked.
     Lex looked her over and nodded, "That bastard, I told you he would." she paced in front of Angel as she hit her fist to her palm. "You going to tell?"
     Angel didn't look up. "No." She couldn't believe her own answer, but they hadn't believed Lex when she told about her stepfather, said she was lying, but would they do the same to her?
     "What?" She looked down at angel. Seeing the state she was in and nodded."Man Screw him. Do you want it to happen again?"Angel Shook her head. "Then tell."  She didn't always know what to say, but in that moment she was the only thing making sense.
     She thought about it for a moment and knew Lex was right. She looked at her for a moment and nodded, grabbed her by the arm and stormed off. Dragging Lex behind her, "You are coming with me." The rest of the day was a blur, and she was forced to tell her story to everyone around, they were looking for the lie in her words, but his confession fired a halt in their hounding.
     Those years, between twelve and the rest of her life being more blurs. Once everything was out in the open, even though he admitted to his deeds, her world were picked though for lies, and evidence. People turned their backs on her. Her brother's went their way, her stepsisters left. They lost the house. Her mother became depressed, and forced Angel to go see every specialist in the world. With each disaster that happened Angel grew plumper and plumper, her beauty fading into a world of blubber. The doctors blamed her for eating to much and refused to find out what the real cause was. Though she wasn't pigging out on everything she saw, contrary to the fact she was transforming into a pig. They just wanted couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. After a long while Angel became stuck in this pattern and simply lived with it. Angel's hair grew darker, her skin plumped pinker and pinker,  and she started to become disfigured to the point her beauty faded, and she turned into a horrid creature.
     By this time the doctors kept telling her mother it had to be some birth defect and she was different and needed to be locked away. Her mother loved her daughter very much, but feared for her daughter's safety and tried to keep her safe. Angel pig grew impatient of being hidden, she didn't care how she looked she simply wanted to enjoy life.
     The one thing her mother couldn't protect her from was School. The children in her school were all taught to fear what they didn't understand and her hideous looks forced her mother to remove her from school as soon as it was legal. Her mother couldn't afford home-schooling, and was tired of forcing her to return to such an abusive environment. You see, at her school, she was constantly bullied, and they called it teasing. She was constantly bullied and they called it a bit of fun. And with every word she grew uglier, and with every action she lost apart of herself. The humans couldn't understand, they were making her ugly. They were changing her. She went thought times when she wanted to give up, and wanted to break loose, but the chains were to tight and she just couldn't escape. She also knew everything her mother did was out of love to protect her, but she started to wonder when she would get a turn to be happy. To do anything. So her mother set her up with a job that kept her hidden and she actually made a friend.
   This friend introduced her to many thing, but then she introduced her to him, Shawn, and for a moment she spent time with someone who not only saw  the real her, he actually touched her heart and mind, and every bit of her beauty was reviled through her eyes and her breath. Everything around her changed, and she didn't want to live to die anymore. She wanted to live to Live.
    As she fought to stay with him, her mother fought to keep her safe, and didn't want to let go. The problem was her mother wasn't able to cope with the fact she was growing up, and becoming a woman. Then her mother accidentally poisoned at work and grew sick from the accident, and she was suddenly forced to take her from doctor to doctor, and her mother was stuck believing she couldn't do anything, and was nothing but a child and it became harder and harder to try and be free. Her light became dim again, as she lost her love. She wrapped herself in a shell and inside she slowly started to die.
     She could feel life poring out of her faster and faster as her broken heart bled for him, she fell into a deep depression and was forced back to doctors and at the moment she was almost the perfect shell again, he appeared again, and her mother was too sick to realize the damage that was being done to her. She grew sicker and sicker, as she took care of her mother, and fought though the drugs the doctors tried to fix her with.
     No one could see what was going on inside. The drugs were killing her, and her love for her mother was killing her, and her longing for him was killing her. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, when she did sleep or eat she felt guilty because she woke up sicker than when she was tired. Her life had become a quick shuffle of nothingness, and she didn't know how to break free. If she had to live this way, She didn't want to live anymore, but she promised her mother to never give up.
     The fifteen years of growing fatter and uglier outside slowly she started to give in to them, and slowly she started to believe she was a monster. The people she so longed to meet turned out to be as messed up as the people in her school. Everything tried to keep her on this path till one day the doctors told her the bad news. She was dying. It was confirmed.
     Nothing felt worse than hearing those words. Again her life blurred to a screeching halt. All she could do is remember his eyes when he looked at her for the first time. His touch of his hand as she stole a moment for only him. The way it felt when he wrapped her in his love. And the pain melted away to just a still moment of him. She knew he was with her, and she took in a breath.
     She went to find the man she loved, and they cried, and in that moment they vowed to be with each other to the end. He waited for her to be ready to make her move, and it ate her inside, what she wanted, and what she was needing to do. She knew she had to make sure her mother would understand, but how?
     Life handed her a break, The loss of a new sister's baby, birth the desire in her mother to live closer to her sons. Angel could see the desire in her mother to live closer. One night her mother came to her and told her she wanted to live with them, and Angel Pig nodded. Scared of what was to come, but fully understood her mother with love in her heart.
     She encouraged her to go for her dreams,  and to go live with her brothers, insisting she would be fine. Now Angel Pig loved her mother more than anything in the world, and it broke her heart to let her leave. It was the day her Grandmother died that left her with rotting wings, but the day her mother left, Angel Pig was gifted with a set of bonny horns. She felt like she was being punished for being a good person, and cried when she looked at herself for the first time in a very long time. The face was not hers.
     Before Angel's mother left, Angel's love moved in and tried to let her know he was never going to hurt her daughter, but then what mother ever believes that. Angel knew she would simply have to let time prove that to her mother.
     Angel Pig tried to pick up the pieces of her life and found herself on a long hard road to recovery. Determined to get better, Angel finally took over her own life. First step getting better! Slowly she fought her way out of bed. She let her anger drive her. She kicked and screamed and cried. Her husband fed her and brought her drinks when she fought, and wouldn't allow her to give up, buy making her fight for it. He only did as she asked as she drove the progression to fixing herself. It wasn't easy for him to watch, but he stayed out of her way, only stepping in when he had to. It was a hard fight for Angel Pig, but Angel pig knew she could do it. On occasions, she would talk to her mother and her mother's worries and fears would set her back, but only for a moment, because he knew this was too important for her to give up on. He simply allowed her to wallow in her own prison, till she was ready to start again. Poking at her to start fighting from time to time, and she did. She would pick herself back up and start to fight for her life again.
     She let every failure drive her to try again. The time she took a trip to another state only to end up homeless, lost and confused. Abandoned by the ones who were supposed to be her friends. Letting her fears keep her from making her life better. She remembered when her real father threatened her life and tried to convince everyone he wouldn't do such a thing to his own child. No matter how ugly she was. All the time keeping her hidden in a shed he convinced her could be a castle.
     And never once allowing any blame to fall on any of them. How else to you live with a monster? She simply had to fight it all. She let herself believe for so long it was her fought she was ugly, and it was going to be a long hard road to find her path to beautiful again.
     She recalled the day she was thirty two and how it felt to have a doctor take her by the hand and say, This isn't your fault and for once know someone sees her, only to feel the pain of a life of searching be left to, take all these pills to fix it. She threw all her pills across the room and after weeks of not touching them and not wanting them she screamed in frustration because she was sicker again. She took her heart pill. An the speed thumping stopped. She took her acid pill and the burning went away, She took the Thyroid pill, and her mind seemed to sew its self back together, and her body seemed to fell better. Soon she found a balance and she started to fight again.
     Now Angel had to fight another form of hell, Her own mind. While she endured the pain of fighting to get out the bed she dove into her mind to find the breaking point. What she found was even scarier. There wasn't just one, there were many. She balled them up and shoved them into their own files. Examining each one with a fine tooth comb looking for any clue to who she was before, and why she was this thing now. The most important one was the day she started believing it was all her fault. Her mother told her she could be anything she wanted to be, but she wasn't aloud to due to circumstance, but even that didn't make any freaking sense to her. Why did the world only see the monster, and not see her? Because she couldn't see herself either.
     Soon she started to sit on the couch, and her husband suggested she started writing again. At first she didn't like the idea, but then she nodded and tried. There were many nights she sat up looking at the blank page. When she pitched a fit in the hall, or yelled at her husband, because she was having an episode where she didn't see him, but the face of all her abusers at once, and she wanted nothing more than to kill them all, but knew it was him underneath because her eyes could see the truth at the same time. She spent her time crying in the corner and cursing the day she was born. And she screamed at the top of her lungs because she wanted to hear nothing at all. The only way being to scream them out. She sat outside and she grabbed the only thing she could, she breathed in deeply the sent of the grass, and for a moment she could taste mother earth. She held the deepest breath she had taken in years for a moment longer than she ever had and slowly released the demons from her past. They ripped through her throat like glass across flesh, and she choked for a moment. Her lungs sputtered and coated her air pipe with a few burst of dry air. Forcing everything in her mouth to suddenly become dry and burning. The fresh air rushed though her veins and suddenly she didn't care about the burning, she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart beat.
     A tear fell from her eye as she felt a moment of perfect piece. This time She faced the scary parts with a simple smile, she opened her eyes, and she stood up. She cleaned the house. She cleaned herself. And she Felt a peace fall over her.
     The triumph short lived as she would be swept away in an episode and run to hide in her bed. But he nursed her back to health each time. Letting her choose when to try again. Suddenly, the weight started to shed. She looked at herself, and saw something changed. This drove her to keep going. If that worked, How about this? She pushed herself to find out. She looked around and the house wasn't in shambles, and she had been the one to do it. Laundry was getting done and she was the one who had did it. She felt good and proud of herself, and between fits, she was pulling herself back together, weeding out anything that set off another fit, except a few.





     She had to find what was real again, and what was forced on her. She was made to believe she was broken, and yet was still fighting her way to being fixed. To seeing the truth around her to why people are the way they are, and knowing that her insanity wan't her fault rather forced upon her, and for the first time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The medications, and the abuse she endured had fractured her brain along the way and she just needed time to heal herself, after all, she had been trying to heal the world the whole time.
     Slowly, she realized she had a gift and it was beautiful, and it was why she was feared. It wasn't long before she understood her mother's fear, and she took to learning to control it with out drugs. Now then there were a few things she would never be able to come off of because she absolutely had to have them, without them she actually couldn't survive, but then, that was their plan all along.
     The truth's she found were, her liver was sick, her heart had an extra nerve and a small tare in it. And her thyroid was under functioning, and she knew it was all due to that first drug she was forced to endure. The one that stole her whole childhood, and then all that followed after, looking for the cure to repair the damage to brain after the abuse.
     After her mother moved away, Angel pig had to find a way to clean up the mess that was her life. She didn't know where to began, and she really didn't have any talent, so what was she to do.
     The Echo of everyone from the past rang though her head, and she tried to run from them. She tried to push out every, "Who, What, Where, Why, How." they had asked her. The memories of "NO That is wrong!" and " You can't do that. Who does this? Why are you this way? Are you stupid? Why are you eating this? Garbage disposal. You aren't nothing but a Pig. Broken. Why can't they fix you? you are faking. Grow up! Go away! GO AWAY PIG!" swarms around her and she can't do anything but fight to breath. She digs into her mid trying to find out where she was broken and what went wrong along the way. How to fix herself. And the Darkness grew dimmer. Somewhere in that moment she felt something snap inside. Was it her hand as it touched her face with more than a feather light touch? Was it the fact that she let the voices drive her raise a hand to another human in anger? It was the moment she decided she was done listening to those People, and from now on Her life was hers, and hers alone. She would find a balance, and if she had to be the only one to save her self she was going to do it. She never wanted to feel ashamed of her broken mind again. She was going to let all the rage out and this time she was going to do it right. So she sat down at her keyboard and she typed out her story and read it to herself.
     She sat down and cried, her words were raw. They were painful. And they destroyed her to say, but she knew someone, somewhere, was going through the same thing she was, and was lost. So she picked up the pen and started again, but the page drew a blank. How? She pondered. How could she write this story and tell of how much love that was in her heart for the people that were around her when she looked back on her life and saw.... Human's..,. Humans did it all.... It was a human that drugged her. It was a father that molested her. It was men that beat and raped her. It was an over protective mother that coddled her, It was everyone around her trying to make her someone she wasn't that deformed her. But was it their fault?
     The teacher was just trying to teach her students. The doctors were just trying to treat a lonely broken heart with medications because they didn't know any better. A tumor was growing in her step father's head, and it made him hurt his family. Her mother was a victim of abuse and couldn't handle the fact it happened to her daughter, and then was poisoned at work, and that forced Angel to take care of her. All along being forced to play the part of a child till death do them part, because she didn't know how else to deal with the fact that her mother was sick. All the while trying to take care of her while she herself is slowly dying, due to the fact her brother's couldn't cope because they were dealing with the fact they weren't the one to save their family. and left her to deal with their mom's sickness alone.
     This left her to believe that the world was several layers of gray. Each one that hurt her had to have a reason, and if that was so, did that make her the monster she was looking like? Her tears would continue to fall as she ripped herself apart to try and understand where to put the blame, and the answer came all to simple. No one but herself for believing them for so long. And she would never believe them again if she had anything to do about it.
     The problem was, Before the tumor, he was a good man. Before the accident, she was a wonderful mother, just trusted the Doctors too much. Everyone was a good person at one time or another, and in some way life had disturbed them in one way or another and they were forced to wear the costume life painted them in, until they believed they were that person. And Angel knew what she had to do. She had to tell her story, but really tell it from all angles. She sat at the computer and she painted a clear picture of the horror in her life, and then the feeling of hope she had. She weaved in how much she loved those who hurt her, and understood the reason that they did, and she tried to let them know she was not speaking against them, she was trying to help others who were going through the same thing feel the touch of someone who understands. She stripped herself of judgement and listened to her heart as she let the words stream out of her fingers...
     Again she feared the backlash of her family, but she hoped she could explain to them the reason she spoke up, with the words she gave so they could understand things from her point of view, but then this wasn't for them, it was for every Angel Pig out there in the world. She enclosed her story with this passage:
     "It is a long and hard path we travel, and we spend our life searching for someone to blame, till we simply blame ourselves, because there is no one else to blame. I see the struggle you endure every day, and I hope you understand, just because there isn't anyone to blame, doesn't mean it is your fault. I feel your struggle every day, and it breaks my heart. However, I still believe in you and your ability to pull your life back together as I am trying to. The first step is simply, Stop blaming yourself."